By Yakira Cohen
When sophomore Letters and Sciences student Adina Arnet rolled into TerpZone bowling Thursday night, she was met by none other than a prior acquaintance, junior finance and information systems major Jacob Nelson. The date took its first unexpected twist when the pair apparently decided that calories are better consumed than burned, foregoing the planned bowling activity for a trip to the Maryland Dairy. Contrary to claims that TerpZone was “too hot” and “sweaty,” Mitzpeh believes that this activity switch resulted from participants’ shame in completing their date-locating prompt, which was to showcase their bowling physiques by gracefully holding up the largest bowling balls their muscles could muster. Read about the rest of the date — no details “spared” — here:
Q: What inspired you to sign up for Mitzpeh Matchmaker?
Jacob: All my friends were like ‘Nelson, this is so up your alley, you should do it’… I decided ‘Yeah, should do it. Worst comes to worst I have a really awkward 30 minutes. Best comes to best I have a good time chilling with someone I wouldn’t normally get to spend time with.’
Adina: I was at paint night with all my friends and Aliza Kotz signed me up… I was feeling ambitious, so why not?
Q: What did your date’s bowling technique say about their personality?
J: I would like to imagine Adina is a ridiculously aggressive bowler. When she bowls, the ball doesn’t even touch the floor, she just chucks it straight at the pins. I can’t say that that bowling strategy of hers is confirmed, but I guess she just gives off those aggressive bowling vibes.
A: Jacob’s definitely the type of person to bowl backwards, in between his legs, underhanded… and somehow probably still get a strike.
Q: What surprised you?
J: How casual it was. My biggest preparation for the night was putting on pants instead of shorts, and I think I really went in with no expectations.
A: He’s a really good conversationalist… I just never knew him at all outside Kedma, I’ve seen him around, we say hi to each other all the time, but it was nice to get to know somebody in the community.
Q: On a scale of gutter ball to strike, how would you rate this date?
J: I would say it’s like when you get an 8-splitter, down the middle. First a good feeling, because you have eight pins, but then is annoying because you have two left and you know you can’t get both…
Yakira, follow-up: Were there multiple women involved in this date?
J: No, just one. It’s subjective, you have to take it how you will.
A: Definitely a turkey. I’m not the biggest fan of turkey, but I think that’s a good thing in bowling.
Q: You and your date are stranded on a desert island. How do you survive?
J: First, we cut down a few trees. And after a long time we make a raft using the wood and human hair. Then we sail away into the sunset back to America and survive.
A: We’re both very crazy people, so I feel like we’d set fire to the island or something. We’re impulsively crazy, so we’d probably set fire to the island, not realizing that it’s going to set fire to us also, and hope that someone sees the fire before we get burned alive. But we’d probably only realize that after we set fire to the island.
Q: What do you think your kids will be like?
J: They won’t be the coolest kids in their grade, for sure. But they’ll be friendly to the point that people want to have playdates with them. Also, I hope that they are smart and not too weird, even though there are no guarantees.
A: They’d have really pretty eyes and be pretty tall and skinny. They’d be nuts, I’m telling you they’d do crazy s***… a good crazy, sometimes…
Q: Someone is writing a story/movie about your date. Is it a work of nonfiction, fantasy, comedy, drama, a different category; why?
J: It is a mix of a lot of different things: You got some comedy, because there’s good shtick. You got some action because it’s just a lot of frantically deciding not to go bowling and instead getting ice cream. You have some romance.
A: It’s definitely a comedy. All comedy. Jacob’s like 110% shtick, and it would be a drama-comedy – dram com. He’s very adventurous, and ambitious, so I feel like we’d go on some crazy adventures.
Q: Do you think you will GO OUT* again?
J: We’ll definitely ‘hang out.’
A: We might ‘hang out’ again. Jacob’s pretty flaky though, so we’ll see…
*Yakira specifically asked participants if they would “go out” again, although both responded that they would “hang out.” The friendzone is all too real.
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