By Yakira Cohen
What happens when you throw two junior mechanical engineering majors into a blind date at a closed coffee shop on the craziest day of the craziest year?
Mitzpeh Matchmaker had to find out, sending Akiva Glashofer and Ariella Wolf to Rudy’s Cafe on Tuesday afternoon to further heat up this Election Day. What happened on their date proved that the pair may be more controversial than even Biden and Trump; although both claimed they weren’t really friends during their Berman Hebrew Academy high school days, anonymous sources hotly debate the status of the couple that they have labeled “high school sweethearts.” The date was initially struck with disaster when the duo discovered that the cafe was closed. Yet they quickly shifted their plans and sat outside Casey’s Coffee and Sandwiches instead for a cold, socially-distant hour and a half of rekindling what the couple believes had never been kindled in the first place.
According to me, the Mitzpeh Matchmaker expert, although the two may study mechanical engineering, the chemistry is all there.
The evidence is clear:
What inspired you to sign up for Mitzpeh Matchmaker?
Akiva: I saw the post and I was like, why not?
Ariella: Aliza signed me up, but I also thought it would be great shtick to do it. I always see the articles online and they’re always very funny.
What did your date’s order say about their personality?
Akiva: I think she just ordered plain coffee. I wasn’t paying attention. I guess that says she knows what she wants.
Ariella: It was actually a big topic of conversation because he’s actually lactose intolerant. It says he’s not able to eat dairy.
How would you rate your date, on a scale of Donald Trump to Joe Biden? Or alternatively, from Joe Biden to Donald Trump?
Akiva: I don’t know how to answer that. Closer to Joe Biden, I guess. I couldn’t tell you why.
Ariella: Joe Biden is kinda more boring and Trump is more exciting, but crazy. Somewhere in the middle, because I wouldn’t say it was super boring, but it wasn’t anything that crazy.
Dating in the COVID-19, socially distant era, can be tough. Do you think your date successfully “unraveled the mask” (only metaphorically, of course) to see the “real you”?
*Both participants asked for the question to be repeated before answering*
Akiva: Yes. We knew each other pretty well.
Ariella: Yes. I think he also knows me from before, so there’s that.
If that’s not love, then what is?
Who wears the pants?
Akiva: I was wearing pants. She was wearing a skirt, so…
Ariella: We both do.
How has this date changed your life?
Akiva: How am I supposed to answer that?
*chuckles and apologizes for being a “bad interviewee”*
I have no clue how to answer that.
Ariella: I guess it means that nothing really changed.
What will your kids be like?
Akiva: Mechanical engineers, I don’t know. Loud.
Ariella: Uhhh… I don’t know. I think they’d be smart. They wouldn’t have very long attention spans.
Do you think you will go out again?
Akiva: *talks through his thoughts for 30 seconds before setting on answer*:
I would be open to the possibility.
Ariella: Probably not.
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