Many people ask me if I had fun when I tell them I went on a dual Poland-Israel trip. The truth is, a trip to Poland for the first time as a Jew can never be fun – quite the opposite. While our spirits were lifted after seeing depressing sites, I think a lot more about what I saw rather than what I did during our hours of free time.
Our days in Poland mostly consisted of getting up early, going on a long bus ride, and seeing multiple concentration camps each day. The first time we heard our tour guide use the term concentration camps he made sure we learned the five types since they are used interchangeably: Murder camps, labor camps, transit camps, prisoner of war camps, and concentration camps. He was very firm about us using the term ‘murdered’ rather than died since all of the deaths were intentional.
The ‘murder’ and ‘intentional’ hit me the most when we were touring Majdanek and it slowly got more depressing. We saw a room where equipment was used for the gas chambers which ripped my heart into pieces. The most jarring experience here was when we walked down a tiny flight of stairs right next to the equipment room that faced the gas chamber. I remember seeing a pure concrete room and froze walking as close as I could to the barrier. I don’t remember how long I was frozen for, but I do remember that’s when my tears started pouring down. I saw with my own eyes where Jews were slaughtered in such brutal ways I don’t think the human mind was created to comprehend. All those documentaries I saw, all those stories I’ve heard and read about, were nothing compared to actually seeing it in front of you. Of course, I appreciated the support from other people in my group, but I wanted to be left alone in my thoughts. That gas chamber in particular has been burned into the deepest parts of my memory, and I’m sure it will be there forever.
Auschwitz/Birkenau and Majdanek were the most emotional for me since those were the ones that had a lot of their original structure remaining. Sobibor was the one that intrigued me the most since almost all of it was destroyed. What I could not get out of my mind though was seeing houses with people living in them. They were going about their everyday lives right by the train tracks where Jews were transported to either be murdered or enslaved. I wondered how one could live right by such a tragic site.
Besides the one incident in Majdanek, going through Auschwitz was the worst for my mental state. I could barely process anything. Even just seeing the ‘Arbeit Macht Frei’ sign was difficult to process. Auschwitz is the place I hear about the most when discussing the Holocaust and I knew that sign was the entrance to a place only the survivors of hell can depict properly. Immediately getting off the bus, I was taken aback by the number of other tour buses in the parking lot. For a moment, I forgot that I was also present for a tour. The entrance was right by several snack bars and a location to purchase books and small souvenirs. I was astonished by the number of people gathered near the entrance. I could hardly move due to the sheer amount of people. Schoolchildren were playing near the entrance which baffled me. Were they too young to understand what had occurred just a few meters away? Was it a matter of cultural differences? Why did their teachers not even react to their conduct? I thought about this for a while after the tour. I never found a proper answer that resonated with me.
What I remember most about the tour of Auschwitz was going through an entire hallway where two trillion tons of hair were shaved off Jews. Not only that, but there was an entire business model of this. Not only hair but every article of clothing you can think of was there inside a barrier at some point of our tour. As amazed as I was that they preserved the originals, I couldn’t help but be curious of how it felt for those who built Auschwitz into a museum.
At some point during the end of one of the buildings, we saw a booklet with what our tour guide said was about four million names of Jews who had been murdered. I looked around to see if my last name or my family’s last name was in the book somewhere but I couldn’t find it. I helped others look instead. I thought to myself how each one of these people had a hobby, a family, and something to look forward to. They were entire worlds to their family and friends – all of which were shattered for no other reason than being Jewish.
I can’t give every detail about all the camps we saw since we would be here for a very long time, but I will say this: One theme we kept returning to was how darkness turns to light. I noticed this the most when we were leaving the Birkenau memorial, and we saw a beautiful sunset. Touring and hearing about some of the saddest places on the planet and seeing a sunset as gorgeous as this one truly left a mark on me.
I’ll end the first part of the reflection with this: It wasn’t just the Nazis who committed atrocities against the Jews. While I knew this to some extent, I was not aware of the gravity in which others were involved. The medical professionals in Germany were pivotal in influencing and executing numerous Nazi policies. A significant number of physicians and nurses backed the regime, and many became involved in the atrocities committed by the Nazis. People studied the efficiency of killing Jews and made sure to humiliate them in the most brutal ways possible before taking their lives.
All this leads me to my next portion of reflection when I first arrive in Israel. I woke up on my plane from Poland to Israel right before landing and when I first saw a building in Hebrew, I knew I was at my 2nd home. God forbid, if I need to seek refuge somewhere, this is the place. Right after leaving the plane, two girls held up a ‘Welcome home!’ sign.
One of our ten days in Israel consisted of touring Southern Israel, specifically Sderot, where Hamas carried out its attack on Oct. 7th. The most infamous place, the Nova Music Festival had a timeline of exactly what went down and everyone who had been murdered there. I read the timeline very closely. I didn’t have time to read everyone’s story but I do know this: Every person had a story with friends and family that adored them.
As devastated as I was touring Sderot and the Nova site, I knew only several miles from where I was, was the Gaza border. I wanted to leave room in my heart to hope the suffering ends for both people. It was surreal seeing smoke coming from one of the buildings from the bus ride on the way to Sderot.
Though seeing the sites of Southern Israel on Oct. 7th was gut-wrenching, there was one beacon of light. On our way back from the Nova site, on the same day, at the same time, the first batch of hostages were released. Our bus was the last vehicle allowed down the road and we saw several cop cars with their sirens going off. Everyone on the bus was so happy to see some hope for the hostages after a year and a half of devastation.
So many moments of my Poland-Israel trip had moments of extreme sadness in the dark followed by moments of happiness and light. This trip has led me to believe that that’s the motto of our people.
