I walked into the Maryland Renaissance Fair a heretic. I had lost my faith in Judaism entirely, and yet, I was saved by my knight without shining armor, Dan Kling. For decades, I had been searching for divine inspiration, and finally it had struck. While sipping mead and devouring fried cheesecake on a stick on a milkshake, a truly ungodly monstrosity, my eyes lifted to see an almost shirtless Dan clad in his finest vestments. His radiance shined through the crowd like beams of light. His countenance blessed those around him with his visage. He seemed to almost levitate with each weightless step as he strode through the crowd. I could feel radiant waves of cleansing energy absolving me of sin the closer he got.

As I embarked upon my journey that morning with my intrepid companions, I was completely  unaware of the religious epiphany that would ensue. Sprawled in the backseat, I waited to attend the majesty of the Maryland Renaissance Fair. Being just a novice, I relied on the experience of my compatriots. I walked through the gates and was transported back to a simpler time, free of worldly distractions. With a sword on my hip, I felt ready to confront any challenge, defeat any enemy, summit any mountain and slay any beast or outfit. The one thing I wasn’t counting on was Dan. 

Dan has been an avid enjoyer of the fair for many years, and it was his invitation that, among other reasons, led to our excursion. His encyclopedic knowledge of the goingson enhanced our experience greatly. Upon our first hallowed viewing, I knew that my life would truly never be the same. A halo of a flaming olive branch, stubbornly refusing to burn, encircled his head as light shone through his stigmata. “Be not afraid,” he uttered in a disembodied voice while approaching us. With large angelic winds, he swept knights and wizards out of his way. 

Each subsequent interaction solidified his divine nature. He turned water into mead, brought sourdough and scandinavian swimmers, helped get sand out of my eye– restoring sight—,charged my phone back from the dead and walked on a puddle without sinking. He parted the Red Sea of Spanish Inquisitors I had not expected to be at the fair. With each miracle, my faith deepened. Despite my friend’s insistence, I refuse to attribute this religious revelation to any of my copious consumption of both drugs and alcohol.