Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. A priest is sitting in a confession booth, and the penitent says to him, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I think I am becoming a moth. I’m eating sweaters, I can feel myself becoming grayer, and I don’t know what to do,” and the priest says to him, “Well, that’s all very strange, but I don’t think it’s a sin,” and the penitent replies, “I’m sorry your light was on.”
Every year when we enter the עשרת ימי תשובה (Aseret Yemei Teshuva), the ten days between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, I wish that reaching absolution with Hashem was that simple. Walk into a booth with sin and walk out unburdened. But Judaism requires more of us. We are required to introspect and make amends with those we have harmed.
There are two kinds of laws that you can break in Judaism: bein adam la-makom and bein adam la-chavero: Laws between us and God or laws between ourselves and our fellow people.
The talmud is incredibly clear about the role that Yom Kippur plays in both situations. “For transgressions between a person and God, Yom Kippur atones; however, for transgressions between a person and another, Yom Kippur does not atone until he appeases the other person.” (Yoma 85b) Sadly, the rabbis are not saying that Yom Kippur itself atones on your behalf, just that sincerely participating in the prayer and ritual of Yom Kippur provides the opportunity to absolve yourself; however, Yom Kippur cannot help you find forgiveness for transgressions against others for which you have yet to make amends.
Forgiveness in Judaism is not as simple as apologizing. It’s not that it is easy to look someone you have hurt in the eye, admit your wrongdoing, and take accountability for it. However, we have a much larger burden: Teshuva. Literally meaning to return. The process of Teshuva centers around correcting the wrongs one has caused. It is not enough to simply say sorry after stealing; one must also return the item. Teshuva is often much more complicated than the mere return of stolen property. Often we harm those around us unintentionally, impulsively, and/or in anger. And repairing that harm means carefully rebuilding the foundation of the connection, relationship, and trust. Judaism places the onus on us not only to take accountability but also responsibility. May you have a safe and easy fast, and may your name be sealed in the book of good life.
